There are things that escape our notice. Perhaps that's not the right phrase; it's more that we know the theory and fail to practice it. It goes more along the lines of experience. So here's my story: I knew things; or at least I thought I did. I always took pride in my knowledge, in my intuition, in knowing what was best in almost any given situation and never letting others take advantage of me. I thought this was all I had to know. I knew how to avoid certain states of affairs. Till one faithful day... It was from that day forward that I realized: half of what I knew was wrong. The other half was so right it was almost scary. For all the things I gave I received nothing in exchange. For all the attention I paid, none was paid to me. That day I learned not to give. All my hope and faith got dashed away. Everything I believed in was proved wrong. That day I learned not to trust. In such a short time I discovered that people will always try to take advantage, they'll trick you and lie right in your face. I learned that words are easy to say and not mean, that it's a comodity, a card to be played. I thought that by being honest myself others would find no reason to be otherwise with me, I was taught wrong. I learned not to expect, not to believe, not to trust, not to give, not to show emotions... I learned to hide what I feel under the biggest rock, to think only the worse of people, to show no tolerance for mistakes, to fail to accept excuses. So what is really left of me? Everything and nothing at all. A thoroughly cynical person who can laugh and cry with the best but will always leave you wondering which is the true emotion. An illusion of what may be, a mystery to be discovered. Give me a reason to trust and I will. Give me a reason to believe and I will. Give me a reason to love and I will. Just don't fail to give me a reason at all.
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6 Comments:
At 3:58 PM,
Anonymous said…
You sound like a selfish girl.
If you have a pure heart you are not supposed to expect something in return, when you give. Maybe the best reason you didn't get anything in return is because you gave and expected to get something in return for giving.
Maybe you should start giving because you really DO care, and not think so much about yourself.
Do you care about anything in this world other than yourself?
At 4:05 PM,
-Pri- said…
Ahh but I did care about someone else. Very deeply in fact. But it is a thoroughly naive person who says that it is possible to always give and receive nothing in return.
Perhaps I am a bit selfish, but then again, you try caring deeply for someone during 6 months and having that person ignore you the whole while. Let's see how well you respond to that kind of treatment and then judge what I say.
In an ideal world full of perfect people the case would be as you describe, but given that we live in a world that is far from perfect there's nothing left but to deal with what we have.
I do wonder though, why the interest in what I write or how I am? You seem incensed by what I write. Is it possible that it affects you directly?
At 4:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm not affected by what you wrote, your title attracted my attention so i read the piece.
In my 52 years of life, I can't help but to see that you are drowning your life in your own selfish actions, you have to open your eyes to the real and achievable possibilty that give and receiving can be done expecting nothing in return
At 7:13 PM,
Flameboy said…
You learned very well
At 7:50 PM,
Anonymous said…
Prix,
Usually people who judge ur thoughts or do not understand what u're trying to let out, are those who are actually HAPPY at this time, and have someone that return whatever the hell they're giving them.
It gets harder to be *selfish* (to say a word) when u're live is full of happiness.
So i get it. And i liked it. Mwah.
At 11:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
mielda loka se paso ahi vamo a gankialo
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