I'm so young. I realize that now. I don't ever want to grow up, because with age comes knowledge and with that responsibility...I want none. I want to be free of all ties, to run and dance, to live my life as I see fit without answering to others. But it's not meant to be. For with all that we touch, do, breathe; there are ties. Ties that can't be broken, ties that make us who we are, ties that define our very existence.
I'm young, I'm foolish, I'm imperfect; I'm human. But that's no excuse for what I do, for decisions I make that affect others; for hurting. My past mistakes were of no consequence because the only one affected by them was me. Now I have to consider others, to think more about what I do, to go beyond what I may want or feel and take the whole picture, not just my slice.
I'm so young but I feel so old. Deep in my bones there is a feeling that I've lived to be one hundred and back. It aches and with every movement I am reminded of who I am, of what I've done. With full knowledge, with eyes wide open, without lies or manipulation I did what I did and now am left to deal with the consequences. Consequences that will probably only involve my conscience, but that's more than enough for it lives inside me every second of every day and I'm reminded of my foul acts through out everything.
I'm so young that I didn't really know myself until it was too late; that I thought only about me like children do, that I didn't care about much but what I wanted.
I can't ask for forgiveness. I don't deserve it. But I'm still sorry. |
